You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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