I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
