got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
