My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
