he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
