FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
