You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
