Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
