The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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