i was born a porn star she said
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
