Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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