i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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