I love black thongs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
