Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
