apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
