I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
