I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
