have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
