The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
