he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Green mimosas i think yes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
