Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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