you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
