Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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