college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
