my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
