shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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