you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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