I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
