Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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