This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
