You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
