Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
