this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize