You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
