y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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