Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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