I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
