I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
