Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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