I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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