3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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