Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
