He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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