My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
