We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
