I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
