I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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