I can text with my tongue
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
