Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
