Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize