we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
