A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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