After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
