ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
