it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
