I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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