i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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