Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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