That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
