you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
