Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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