i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
