I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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