Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
