well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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