I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
