what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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