He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
