you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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