From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
