Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
