I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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