we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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