Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
