I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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